In honor of Valentine's Day and all the men spending hundreds of dollars on crap and overpriced dinner I thought I would write about relationships. Recently my brother remarked to me that I was on a bit of a streak. This caught me off guard, because never in life have I remotely been considered anything more than below average with the ladies. I thought long and hard about why this might be the case and I realized that much like the D.E.N.N.I.S. system I have found a groove.
B. Blackout. I don't hit on girls sober. Simple as that. I'm pretty sure they would never like me sober. Simple as that.
R. Risky Behavior/Retrieve Phone Number. I always do something stupid immediately. This is usually caused by the Blackout but sometimes its just natural creepiness. A bad joke, a mention of boob size, lack of rib, dropping the c-word, making fun of the Obama Youth or any number of innapropriate dance, or failed kissing moves are all on the table. The old Brian system usually ended right there and I woke up in the morning to the jeers of Dietzoid. But much like taking out my contacts before sleep I sometimes reflexively ask cute girls for their number. If my risky behavior is not too egregious than I am still in the game.
I. Invite to be my friend on Facebook If you are a woman and my friend on Facebook there is a 47.9% chance I have hit on you. I know this because I have 146 friends and have hit on 70 (Granted I have de-friended many people who become married, pregnant, or both). Most have been failures but a statistically significant percentage have not. I need to first friend them on Facebook if I am going to get to the next step.
A. Ask Out Since I was blacked out when I first met the girl I need to jog my memory with and use my Facestalk skills to remember body shape. If all goes well we find ourselves at a nice seafood dinner. At this point my chances are as good as the next guy.
N. New Target And if there is anything I've learned since the beginning of Steating and Chealing is that life moves on. The worst thing that can happen is your hand is smashed into a million pieces and resembles a claw. The only logical next step is to repeat the sequence and blackout.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Dog Yoga
When you are hung over, you will do pretty much anything to occupy your mind so that you don't have to think about the crushing feeling of awfulness. Bad and I were struggling during our return from Bloomington a few weeks ago which lead to a new million dollar idea; Dog Yoga and the store where you can buy all things related, Lulu Paws.
A few jokes were made and the time passed swimmingly. Then I upped the ante and emailed 2 girls I used to date and another friend for their input on Dog Yoga. The exchange is priceless.
BD:
Friends that like yoga, is there such a thing as dog yoga? If not can it be invented? I'm smelling a million dollar idea
ST:
I love you but you are an idiot! and yes there is such a thing as dog yoga for people who are obsessed with their pets but i dont know those people!
Maybe a dog spa with yoga...how bout that!
H:
yes, there is a dog yoga it was more popular about 2 years ago, we did a class at lulu even! I personally am too cheap to go to those dog spas (petco works for kingston) but there is a market for it
BD:
Dubs? What is ur 2 cents ?
I'm smelling millions!
A-Dubs:
Honestly, I feel like there would need to be some scientific research to see if yoga is even beneficial for dogs to help market the classes. You could have some difficulties finding yoga instructors certified in teaching "dog yoga". Providing a facility to teach dog yoga could bring up a challenge as well. Lastly, having a room filled with all types of dogs could lead to some potential issues with lack of focus from barking, cuddling/necking amongst the dogs, etc. Sorry to kill your hopes and dreams for the next million dollar idea. If it isn't already available at Lulu, I would think yoga clothing for dogs or a dog sitting service while their owner is taking a yoga class might offer a larger market base.
A few jokes were made and the time passed swimmingly. Then I upped the ante and emailed 2 girls I used to date and another friend for their input on Dog Yoga. The exchange is priceless.
BD:
Friends that like yoga, is there such a thing as dog yoga? If not can it be invented? I'm smelling a million dollar idea
ST:
I love you but you are an idiot! and yes there is such a thing as dog yoga for people who are obsessed with their pets but i dont know those people!
Maybe a dog spa with yoga...how bout that!
H:
yes, there is a dog yoga it was more popular about 2 years ago, we did a class at lulu even! I personally am too cheap to go to those dog spas (petco works for kingston) but there is a market for it
BD:
Dubs? What is ur 2 cents ?
I'm smelling millions!
A-Dubs:
Honestly, I feel like there would need to be some scientific research to see if yoga is even beneficial for dogs to help market the classes. You could have some difficulties finding yoga instructors certified in teaching "dog yoga". Providing a facility to teach dog yoga could bring up a challenge as well. Lastly, having a room filled with all types of dogs could lead to some potential issues with lack of focus from barking, cuddling/necking amongst the dogs, etc. Sorry to kill your hopes and dreams for the next million dollar idea. If it isn't already available at Lulu, I would think yoga clothing for dogs or a dog sitting service while their owner is taking a yoga class might offer a larger market base.
Monday, December 12, 2011
And Now for the Real World
Its been a great 5 and half year run, but its time for me to pack my bags and leave my lucrative line of work as a VP of Social Media aka in charge of nothing but making ridiculous statements, regurgitating buzz words like "disrupt," and generally being responsible for nothing but awesomeness. I will definitely miss the Friday's working from IU, rocking flip flops and shorts, wearing dress t-shirts (of which the definition has always alluded me), having free parking, and leaving for 2 hours at lunch to tackle my exercise bulimia.
But most of all I will miss the people. The good, the bad, and the crazy. Well, mostly the crazy. I've never really been able to explain my job to outsiders except that our CEO is best described as a mad scientist. He created a multi-million dollar company out of nothing without a cent of debt, yet also makes up words and is prone rants that defy any level of practicality. So while I document a few of the crazier things I've heard over time, take them with a grain of salt.
I Dropped Rails on Them
The exec team was having a dinner at Sully's after courting a partner for most of the day. Admittedly I was incredibly hungover the entire day, so I kept my mouth shut and tried to nod along for most of the meetings. This was apparently a very poor strategy. Dinner was progressing smoothly when things took a turn for the worse when I was accused of being a White Sox at a Cubs autograph session. A two hour lecture began about "teaching" us (me and one of the other execs) how to properly engage a partner. The highlight of the night when we were told that our CEO had wowed the crowd by explaining that we were now writing code in rails. "Did you notice how I dropped Rails on them? That technique let them know we were on the cutting edge." Since the conversation was with an Harvard engineer who had written thousands of lines of code I doubt it was the game-changer that was advertised
Me First
I ranted about the stupidity of this guy in my column wrapping up 2010 but his follow up act is too funny to not list here. We actually paid this moron thousands of dollars to construct a branding vision. Of course we immediately re-did it a year later. During which time he brought out a new book suggesting that capitalism is broken, but we can fix it if we only buy his book.
I'm on Fucking Tweetdeck
In the run-up to hiring this Austrailian moron we had several loud matches about the validity of the expertise. The best came on the day where I introduced the ceo to tweetdeck. He went on a rant to our vp of sales "You don't know this shit. I'm on fucking tweetdeck." That logic sealed the deal and the check was written
The Time Machine
Speaking of the brand vision... we contantly changed everything from the name, logo, corporate mission, tag line, colors, and general language of what we do. Much like everything over the past 5+ years there was a lot of incredibly visionary stuff and a lot of things that left me scratching my head. The last round was by far the most out there culminating with the invention of a new word.
On one of the final revision days we sat through a 2 hour plus meeting discussing each and every word of the infamous Brand Stack. I foolishly disagreed with a few of the wording choices before realizing that this was a nod your head meeting. As he was ranting about the importance of saving time being the most the most valuable commodity in the world I pictured in my head Doc Brown's time machine and almost started laughing. The ranting continued for another 45 minutes and soon I was worried that I wouldn't get out of the meeting in time to go to the Cubs game that day. My only way to to tell the time was to glance at the ceo's watch. By the time the ranting ended I was 15 minutes late. As I walked out of the office I saw a clock on the wall and I realized I was actually perfectly on time. OF COURSE he keeps his watch 15 minutes fast.
Operation Wheel
Operation Wheel
As we discussed launching a mobile application, he grabbed his iPhone and stated, "See this! This is the most important invention of our life time. This is more important than the wheel." Granted I like my iPhone but calling it a game changing invention over a Blackberry is a reach. Calling it more important than the wheel is like assuming Zeus causes lightning.
Anonymous
I wasn't present for this chat but its priceless.
He was discussing sales with our VP of sales going back and forth. The conversation had prety much run its course and they were silent for a few seconds. Then the ceo perked up and asked if he had ever heard of the company called Anonymous. When he answered no the response was "I know you haven't. They are a media company that only works with the best. No one can find them. That's how we should be."
I'm pretty sure every other day of work we focussed on the ability to have people find us.
No Mas
After a 4 hour meeting we were asked why we hadn't hung posters to memorialize the 3rd Eye Blind concert he decided to host even though there was no budget. As we stared back in disbelief that hanging posters was added to our job descriptions he went on a rant about the need for us to act like "owners." As he sounded off I thought f you would like increase my salary to an acceptable rate for someone who has helped scale your business about $30 million in 3.5 years or give me non worthless stock I might feel the need to worry about posters.
By the time I started paying attention again he was telling some ridiculous story where he yelled at Mexican workers that were being loud. At this point he stood up slammed the table and said "I told them NO MAS!"
And so five plus years on insanity has me saying no mas. Adios muchachos.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Already Over the Hill
I was out with a few friends last night two of which are married and another that is more or less engaged and the topic of invitations to wedding and more importantly wedding presents came up. We started joking that the older you got married the likelihood of receiving better gifts sky rockets. This makes perfect sense to me, as I only give gifts around 365 days after the wedding to conserve precious drinking cash flow. Immediately, the joke was made that I'll easily get the best gifts due to my desire to only marry money and the fact that there is no way I'll be getting married before 40.
A little chuckle was had and the conversation moved, but on the walk home some math started tumbling through my head. Between Skiiing, Holidays, Lake Weekends, Football Season, and a few (i.e. many) nights when I'm blacked out that my chances of meeting anyone before 40 our extremely slim. Also consider the fact that in the last 10 years I've had about 2.5 "real" relationships and that window seems smaller.
In the Last year out of 52 Weekends I spent approximately:
8 at Indiana Games
4 skiing
5 At Lake Houses
3 at Weddings (and contrary to Wedding Crashers the open bar and lack of single girls make it a near impossibility for me to hook up)
3 at Bachelor Parties
1 in Vegas
So I'm down to 28 weekends total. Divide that in half due to Blackouts and I'm at a total of 14 potential weekends a year to meet a girl.
Consider that you have to live with a girl for at least a year before you get engaged for a year, that I will have more weddings and bachelor parties as I age, and I want to spend more time in Vail and I figure I've got around 100 total weekends if I'm going to get marries before 40.
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Sign of a Good Time
After another long weekend at IU tailgating, I woke up Sunday morning on our rig and decided to a few beers while cleaning. This led to a very quick downhill slope and I was hammered in about 10 minutes. I got so hammered that at our traditional lunch of Wings at Buffalo Louis's, in a matter of a few minutes I had so much beer and wing sauce spilled on me that I had to buy a new t-shirt from the restaurant. TFM.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Ups and Downs
Part I
I headed out to San Fran for the week to attend the giant Salesforce conference with 3 friends from work and to network in the land of the liberals. The trip did not begin well.
7:06 Fat man asks to trade seats so he can sit next to his hideous wife. I am now next to a 2 year old. Not a strong start
8:27 The 2 year old has puked. My seat stinks. The fat man has a shit eating grin on his fave as I stand in the aisle passed. More kids are crying. My new computer wont play any volume so I can watch the movie I rented. Where the fuck is my beer?
8:30 With no movie I will have to read the book my boss recomends I read; The Likability Factor. I do not want to be likable right now.
8:32 Beer arrives.
8:34 Beer is finished.
8:35 The stewardess saves me from hell and moves me to a new seat in the first row.
8:36 Beer is now comped. Life is good.
The live blog died out at that point but the trip that started poorly started to rebound after that. The conference consisted of me trying to dress dot com or Jos A and trying to not have my head explode with a combo ideas and complete bafflement hearing words like social enterprise in the clouds built on a new platform native to html5 wrapped in heroku for quick facebook deployment.
Our first night had uss meeting up with Whopelloti in China town where we went to what looked to be the scariest bar in America. It turned out to be incredible. We were the only people in the dungeon like room with no tvs and one light with a bathroom in the basement that was only accessable by locked gate. The key to its greatness was playing liars dice with bar tender for rounds of some Chicom version of yager bombs. After a few rounds we headed across the street where we headed into an open kichen door and up a stair case into a restaraunt with no sign. The food was great and the total bill for 4 of us was $25. After more liars dice we headed home for the night.
Night 2 started with a Metallica concert. There is something awesome about watching Lars play his first corporate gig for the same nerds at a cloud computing conference. Maybe his opinion of Napster has changed. The night eneded just like the first playing liars dice in china town and a late night $30 tab at the restarunt.
We wrapped the week going to dinner and drrinking a lot of wine then somehow getting into a free corporate party where i drank a lot of scotch. The night then once again we hraded to chinatown where we sang karaoke at a tiny bar.
Apparently after that we got pizza where i was so blacked out that i ate bubbling hot pizza. I awoke in the morning to an absolutlely fried mouth. Great night.
The other giant task i had to accomplish this week was Dont run in to the Bulgarian. I knew she was going to be there ahead of time and had two close calls. The first was just beefore the concert and the second time i had to crouch down on an elevator to avoid detection. I credit the 2nd close call success to my new hair cut. Perhaps in tne future i shouldnt break up with crazy pepople that live 2 blocks away by defriending and deleting their number.
I am now once again back on the plane heading to indianapolis for the IU game on part 2 of this epic trip. I may be making this plane voyage more often if steating and chealing relocates to SanFran. The trip that started awful has everything coming up millhouse!
Part 2 A turn for the worse.(note: these times are approximate)
4:50 MST Friday night lights ends on the in flight TV and Frasier comes on next. Awful.
4:55 I learn that our plan will not be going to Denver. We are going to Cheyenne, Wyoming. Super.
5:45 The good news is that our flight will be the 1st to fly back to Denver. Im thrilled.
6:45 We land in Denver and I learn my flight is moved to 8:00.
7:30 Did we say 8? We meant 8:30.
8:40 The power just went out and we need to "reboot" whatever the hell that means.
9:40 The lights are back on but we still haven't left. I just realized that I left my ipod on the last plane. Rad.
9:45 The other side of the airport is closed. We will now wait for them.
9:55 Thurman Thomas gets hurt in my Super Techmo Bowl season. Why wouldn't he?
10:00 In the air at last.
3:00 am EST I finally land in Indy and head to grab a cab. I hate life.
3:30 $90 later I'm locked out at the front gate in front of the Bridgewater Club. Bapp5 and Drunk Jeff are not answering so I am forced to crawl under the gate and walk to the Henke compound.
3:35 Why wouldn't the doors be locked?
3:36 I'm in the sun porch in back of the house and I can see Jeff passed out on the couch about 8 feet away.
3:37 This drunken sot isn't waking up, I'm sleeping out here.
6:30 The sprinklers come on the golf course. I'm up for the day.
7:30 I finally call Jeff and I'm back in doors!
10:00 RV and IU football season are here!
12:30 The tailgate is set! New 60 inch is rocking.
1:30 When is game time? Its about 90 degrees and I've already crushed 5 beers.
2:30 Already drinking water.
6:00 Completely hammered getting some sort of relationship advice. I have no idea what we are talking about and just nodding.
7:00 Sometime!
8:00 We are miserable. Thank god we can buy beer at this game.
10:00 IU just lost to Ball f-ing state. I need to pass out now.
12:00 We just made it back to Bridgewater. Apparently I missed the entire post game tailgate, time for some cocktails.
1:30 I just walked into not the right guest bedroom, heading to the basement and making Bapp5 share his bed.
9:00 Time to head to Lake Wawassee!
10:00 Can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning!
12:00 The sandwich cellar looks like an awesome hole in the wall bar in the middle of nowhere to stop at.
12:30 Moon the towns next to us is explaining how Jim Irsay forced him to pay for a new stadium then sold the naming rights. He feels he is now owed the money.
2:00 Drinking at the lake.
7:00 nap time.
8:30 Drinking at the lake.
12:?? Out.
All in all an insane 6 days. My liver is ready for a break and I am ready for football season!
I headed out to San Fran for the week to attend the giant Salesforce conference with 3 friends from work and to network in the land of the liberals. The trip did not begin well.
7:06 Fat man asks to trade seats so he can sit next to his hideous wife. I am now next to a 2 year old. Not a strong start
8:27 The 2 year old has puked. My seat stinks. The fat man has a shit eating grin on his fave as I stand in the aisle passed. More kids are crying. My new computer wont play any volume so I can watch the movie I rented. Where the fuck is my beer?
8:30 With no movie I will have to read the book my boss recomends I read; The Likability Factor. I do not want to be likable right now.
8:32 Beer arrives.
8:34 Beer is finished.
8:35 The stewardess saves me from hell and moves me to a new seat in the first row.
8:36 Beer is now comped. Life is good.
The live blog died out at that point but the trip that started poorly started to rebound after that. The conference consisted of me trying to dress dot com or Jos A and trying to not have my head explode with a combo ideas and complete bafflement hearing words like social enterprise in the clouds built on a new platform native to html5 wrapped in heroku for quick facebook deployment.
Our first night had uss meeting up with Whopelloti in China town where we went to what looked to be the scariest bar in America. It turned out to be incredible. We were the only people in the dungeon like room with no tvs and one light with a bathroom in the basement that was only accessable by locked gate. The key to its greatness was playing liars dice with bar tender for rounds of some Chicom version of yager bombs. After a few rounds we headed across the street where we headed into an open kichen door and up a stair case into a restaraunt with no sign. The food was great and the total bill for 4 of us was $25. After more liars dice we headed home for the night.
Night 2 started with a Metallica concert. There is something awesome about watching Lars play his first corporate gig for the same nerds at a cloud computing conference. Maybe his opinion of Napster has changed. The night eneded just like the first playing liars dice in china town and a late night $30 tab at the restarunt.
We wrapped the week going to dinner and drrinking a lot of wine then somehow getting into a free corporate party where i drank a lot of scotch. The night then once again we hraded to chinatown where we sang karaoke at a tiny bar.
Apparently after that we got pizza where i was so blacked out that i ate bubbling hot pizza. I awoke in the morning to an absolutlely fried mouth. Great night.
The other giant task i had to accomplish this week was Dont run in to the Bulgarian. I knew she was going to be there ahead of time and had two close calls. The first was just beefore the concert and the second time i had to crouch down on an elevator to avoid detection. I credit the 2nd close call success to my new hair cut. Perhaps in tne future i shouldnt break up with crazy pepople that live 2 blocks away by defriending and deleting their number.
I am now once again back on the plane heading to indianapolis for the IU game on part 2 of this epic trip. I may be making this plane voyage more often if steating and chealing relocates to SanFran. The trip that started awful has everything coming up millhouse!
Part 2 A turn for the worse.(note: these times are approximate)
4:50 MST Friday night lights ends on the in flight TV and Frasier comes on next. Awful.
4:55 I learn that our plan will not be going to Denver. We are going to Cheyenne, Wyoming. Super.
5:45 The good news is that our flight will be the 1st to fly back to Denver. Im thrilled.
6:45 We land in Denver and I learn my flight is moved to 8:00.
7:30 Did we say 8? We meant 8:30.
8:40 The power just went out and we need to "reboot" whatever the hell that means.
9:40 The lights are back on but we still haven't left. I just realized that I left my ipod on the last plane. Rad.
9:45 The other side of the airport is closed. We will now wait for them.
9:55 Thurman Thomas gets hurt in my Super Techmo Bowl season. Why wouldn't he?
10:00 In the air at last.
3:00 am EST I finally land in Indy and head to grab a cab. I hate life.
3:30 $90 later I'm locked out at the front gate in front of the Bridgewater Club. Bapp5 and Drunk Jeff are not answering so I am forced to crawl under the gate and walk to the Henke compound.
3:35 Why wouldn't the doors be locked?
3:36 I'm in the sun porch in back of the house and I can see Jeff passed out on the couch about 8 feet away.
3:37 This drunken sot isn't waking up, I'm sleeping out here.
6:30 The sprinklers come on the golf course. I'm up for the day.
7:30 I finally call Jeff and I'm back in doors!
10:00 RV and IU football season are here!
12:30 The tailgate is set! New 60 inch is rocking.
1:30 When is game time? Its about 90 degrees and I've already crushed 5 beers.
2:30 Already drinking water.
6:00 Completely hammered getting some sort of relationship advice. I have no idea what we are talking about and just nodding.
7:00 Sometime!
8:00 We are miserable. Thank god we can buy beer at this game.
10:00 IU just lost to Ball f-ing state. I need to pass out now.
12:00 We just made it back to Bridgewater. Apparently I missed the entire post game tailgate, time for some cocktails.
1:30 I just walked into not the right guest bedroom, heading to the basement and making Bapp5 share his bed.
9:00 Time to head to Lake Wawassee!
10:00 Can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning!
12:00 The sandwich cellar looks like an awesome hole in the wall bar in the middle of nowhere to stop at.
12:30 Moon the towns next to us is explaining how Jim Irsay forced him to pay for a new stadium then sold the naming rights. He feels he is now owed the money.
2:00 Drinking at the lake.
7:00 nap time.
8:30 Drinking at the lake.
12:?? Out.
All in all an insane 6 days. My liver is ready for a break and I am ready for football season!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
It should come as no surprise to my readers that I suck at breaking up with girls. I can count anything resembling a relationship on one hand and most of them prefer to get rid of me before I ever come close to breaking up with them. Somehow I had to do it twice this summer and both times were not fun. I tried to pad the first one using the Costanza strategy:
It didn't really work so I had to do it the grown up way. (Note: Its been a while so hopefully if she reads this she won't be incredibly angry).
I then started dating a Bulgarian who I later deemed crazy after she freaked on a DVD player. I was far too scared to break up with her So I decided to go the coward route. I was with her at Castaways and thought of just leaving and never talking to her again so I texted my buddy MJ what would be the best way out.
He told me to "Leave and text that you had a massive attack diarrhea. Trust me she will never talk to you again."
The strategy seemed solid except that G$ CanCan and Dog showed up and I couldn't go that route. So I shifted to the defriend on Facebook and delete phone number move and pray she doesn't call me again.
This seemed strong except she lives a few blocks away and I was worried she would see my long hair from afar and attack. So I shaved my head so she couldn't find me.
Worked like a Charm!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Credit Check
A few years ago I had to go on what was deemed the credit crawl after St passus day. I visited 3 bars to retrieve my various credit cards left around the city. I ended up hammered and making out with a girl at a picnic table at Prost.
This morning was a similarly funny adventure. After spending the day drinking at g-money's pool and having a corn roast I headed out for the night. I recall being at State and not being able to to talk to girls and that's about it.
I woke up and realized I had no ID or credit card so I assumed they were at state. I then got a text from my brothers girlfriend saying how she saw me with her mom last night and wondered if I remembered. I did not.
I then journey up to State to retrieve my cards but after a lengthy search she could not produce my credit. As my heart sank a new thought popped in my head. If I was blackout drunk where would I go? McGees to hit on college girls of course!
So I walk next door and as soon as I walk I. He door a pretty bartender says, "you're back." as she fetched my cards she continued on to mention "you were not sober when I served you last night."
As I hot back in the car I was informed by cancan that he was rooting against me finding them when he saw me walk across the street so we could have credit crawl 2.
Yep. This is my life.
This morning was a similarly funny adventure. After spending the day drinking at g-money's pool and having a corn roast I headed out for the night. I recall being at State and not being able to to talk to girls and that's about it.
I woke up and realized I had no ID or credit card so I assumed they were at state. I then got a text from my brothers girlfriend saying how she saw me with her mom last night and wondered if I remembered. I did not.
I then journey up to State to retrieve my cards but after a lengthy search she could not produce my credit. As my heart sank a new thought popped in my head. If I was blackout drunk where would I go? McGees to hit on college girls of course!
So I walk next door and as soon as I walk I. He door a pretty bartender says, "you're back." as she fetched my cards she continued on to mention "you were not sober when I served you last night."
As I hot back in the car I was informed by cancan that he was rooting against me finding them when he saw me walk across the street so we could have credit crawl 2.
Yep. This is my life.
Friday, June 24, 2011
A forgotten Post
I forgot that I wrote a post on my iPhone coming home from Cooperstown so even though I already posted about the weekend, here ya go:
I should have been worried.
I spent the weekend in Cooperstown, ny for my roommate in vail, Frostys wedding. A wedding naturally leads to lots of old stories and since I was a bit of an outsider to all the east coasters, the stories on me were rather limited. Almost every story on me focussed on two things: blacking out and rooting for IU.
While im proud of both themes, two main stories emerged that I'd like to share.
1) the night where I left a pizza in the oven, my roommates came home and found smoke everywhere and after putting out the fire put the burned pizza in my bed with me. I woke up and went skiing.
2) the day of the USC vs Notre dame game when I woke up, watched IU lose, watched the nd SC game, drank an 18 pack, went on a 5 mile run, had to stop mid-way and pooped in a river, then went to work.
While im proud of both themes, two main stories emerged that I'd like to share.
1) the night where I left a pizza in the oven, my roommates came home and found smoke everywhere and after putting out the fire put the burned pizza in my bed with me. I woke up and went skiing.
2) the day of the USC vs Notre dame game when I woke up, watched IU lose, watched the nd SC game, drank an 18 pack, went on a 5 mile run, had to stop mid-way and pooped in a river, then went to work.
I write this completely hammered on plane coming home with a busy week ahead. I'm not too worried.
I should have been worried.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A Rough Weekend
I arrived at the Opium Den on Friday after work around 6:00 to find Bad, G$ and Dietz already giggly drunk. They had apparently been pounding bras and Arnold Palmers since the early afternoon. I stuck with the beer while we waiting for the legendary Sarrey to arrive.
By the time he got there we were in the middle of a Safety meeting and he later remarked, "I was unsure if they were getting ready for bed or getting ready to go out."
Now that we had eliminated any safety hazards we headed out from the Den to everyone's favorite local watering hole, the Blue Agave. G$ was now getting aggressive drunk as he grabbed the menu and immediately ordered an array of Mexican meats and cheeses. The ladies we were with ducked out to smoke some cool sticks so we helped ourselves to their margs and refilled their glasses with water.
After two margs and a few beers G$ grabbed the bill and declared us ready to head "out" for the night. We met Doochi and a few guys at Fireplace where Grant then declared "Good, I can head home now that Sarrey has met up with Doochi." After a vodka lemonade he headed out. I stayed for another few gin and tonics before finally bailing.
We headed back to the Den the next day at noon to continue our rampage at G$'s pool. We were a bit unsure what to do because he was MIA on Beluga but knocked on his door nevertheless. After a few minutes he emerged and he explained he had just woken up and he forgot his phone in a cab the night before. He realized it a second later but in his weakened state was unable to chase it down the street.
We headed down to the pool for a full day of drinking where I struck up a convo with a straight off the boat Bulgarian and I somehow acquired digits. We partied until we were kicked out of the pool area for breaking the rules around 5, so we grilled out and headed back up to the Den to finish the beer. To up the stakes a bit we decided to play suits and blew threw 36 beers in about 30 minutes.
I headed home for a quick cat nap and met the gang out at Wells on Wells for more consumption that centered around rounds of bar die for shots. Sarrey could sense the end was near so he ordered tons of food. No effect. He was passed out sitting at the bar a few minutes later. Out of the blue CanCan got a text from a lady indicating she had a friend who wanted meet me at some clubby club and we were off.
We walked into one of the riskiest risky clubby club scenes I have ever seen; lots of gay dudes dressed in sailing gear surrounded by hot chicks. Naturally the target that lured me in, said goodnight upon seeing my drunken state. We stayed for a few scotches while I miserably hit on a few girls and then headed home.
Along the way we throw yet another fork in the road and stopped at Walgreen's to stock up on more beer. When we walked in the door and remembered that we had a guest on the couch, so we headed up to the Eagle's Nest for late night beers. As a sign of our stupidity I OK'd smoking in my room.
My blurry Funday included: While cleaning my room having an outlook reminder pop up and remind me that I have to be at work in 15 minutes, racing to work, reading about Bulgaria on Wikipedia, listening to CanCan and Kern strategerize for what seemed like hours about their planned meal, Facebooking the Bulgarian, going to Whole Foods, asking out the Bulgarian, picking up Bad so he could avoid a Tony's "date" with his Aussie friend, passing out and finally falling down my steps in the middle of the night while getting water.
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